Sometimes when you’re hurting you need to express how you feel or the feelings won’t pass and you’ll end up with built up emotion and that isn’t good for you or anyone else.
Ever since I was a kid and had adolescent trauma therapy I have wrote ‘letters’ to people when I have felt unable to actually say to them what I wanted to say. I didn’t send the letters. I typically burnt them and put some of the ashes into a balloon and let them off into the sky.
Right now I really feel the need to reintroduce that. So here goes …
I’m feeling forgotten.
I feel like a burden.
I feel like a nuisance.
I feel lonely.
I feel all the feelings I don’t want.
I dont want to feel this way but it’s how you’ve made me feel.
I want to take it back. I want to not care anymore. I wish I could see things as unimportant as you do.
You used me. When you really think about it that’s exactly what you did. You used me to get what you wanted. When you had nothing to do. When you wanted to feel good. I was just a means to an end for you.
You confused me. You made me feel good and worthless all at the same time. You made me feel special but inconsequential. Important but disposable. Unwanted and not good enough. You picked me up and dropped me constantly.
You used your actions to reaffirm all the bad things I thought about myself and used your words to try and convince me the opposite. You’re so Fricking confusing .
You invalidated me over and over again. Every single time you promised not to do it again you did it.
You pretended to care. You pretended to understand. You promised not to hurt me and yet you broke me into a million pieces. You told me you would always be there and in the same breath showed me how little I really mean to you.
You made me feel safe and then stole that security right from under me. You knocked me down when I was finally feeling strong enough to stand tall.
You make me question everything.
When you were enjoying your day and feeling happy, I was crying because you treated me just like everyone else.
I’m stronger than you think. I don’t need you I will be okay without you.
You chose to break me just like I chose to survive.
I actually want to thank you for treating me like shit because you reminded me that when I get knocked down I get back up stronger than when I fell.
Peace out. ✌🏼️