Beyond breaking point

Ever wonder what your breaking point is? When you really just can’t take any more? When the world is too much and you want nothing more than to hide under a rock and pretend anything and anyone else exists?

I think I’m there. Well actually, i think I met my breaking point, shook its hand as I walked right passed it into a place I don’t know how to return from.

As with many people with mental health conditions, I too battle which chronic physical pain and disabilities and when one is bad the other tends to follow.

Since the UK have been in lockdown I have struggled with both my physical and mental health. My body has all but given up on me. I am awaiting surgery for my hips, my neck and my spine and the pain whilst I wait is excruciating and exhausting.

My work is unbelievably busy and I am overwhelmed. I feel stressed and I am miserable.

I laid in my bed last night and I just couldn’t sleep and For the first time in a long while I genuinely thought about suicide. I felt like I just don’t want to fight any more. Everything, every day is a battle and it’s exhausting.

I don’t know how much more I can take. I cry constantly, through pain and anxiety I shed uncontrollable tears.

I am lonely at home on my own unable to visit my friends or family and today, I thought there would be a glimmer of hope as the government announced new covid lockdown tiers for the UK but there was nothing positive in there for me. I can’t see the people I miss so terribly.

I think I’ve found my breaking point. I’m at it and I don’t know how to get back.

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