Ever wonder what your breaking point is? When you really just can’t take any more? When the world is too much and you want nothing more than to hide under a rock and pretend anything and anyone else exists?
I think I’m there. Well actually, i think I met my breaking point, shook its hand as I walked right passed it into a place I don’t know how to return from.
As with many people with mental health conditions, I too battle which chronic physical pain and disabilities and when one is bad the other tends to follow.
Since the UK have been in lockdown I have struggled with both my physical and mental health. My body has all but given up on me. I am awaiting surgery for my hips, my neck and my spine and the pain whilst I wait is excruciating and exhausting.
My work is unbelievably busy and I am overwhelmed. I feel stressed and I am miserable.
I laid in my bed last night and I just couldn’t sleep and For the first time in a long while I genuinely thought about suicide. I felt like I just don’t want to fight any more. Everything, every day is a battle and it’s exhausting.
I don’t know how much more I can take. I cry constantly, through pain and anxiety I shed uncontrollable tears.
I am lonely at home on my own unable to visit my friends or family and today, I thought there would be a glimmer of hope as the government announced new covid lockdown tiers for the UK but there was nothing positive in there for me. I can’t see the people I miss so terribly.
I think I’ve found my breaking point. I’m at it and I don’t know how to get back.