Today has been one of those days where, regardless of what I do, the anxiety I feel threatens to consume me. It’s one of the hardest things for me to explain, to put in to words what ever is going on in my head and how this manifests externally!!
Throughout my DBT journey, I was frequently told by my therapist that every effect (emotion or problem behaviour) has a cause (triggering event). I have always disputed this to a certain degree and still do for many reasons. I have always struggled to pin point the cause when my emotions are out of control or I am in crisis, I can never figure out what the triggering event/s were that led me down that path of destruction.
I need a break, but I can’t sit still!
One thing I crave the most when I am experiencing over whelming anxiety is a break, a rest from the demands of every day life, some time to regain some inner peace. So why the hell cant I just sit still for five minutes?
Its during these anxious moments that I realise the house needs hoovering, the dog needs walking, the clothes need washing – you name it, it appears on this imaginary (and seemingly ‘urgent’) things to do list. Completing the list winds me up because ‘I do everything, I never stop blah blah’ but ignoring it and just sitting down for a moment makes me even more anxious as the list gets longer in my head.
Go and make a cup of tea…
Everyone needs something to ground them, an activity, an item, a memory, something to bring them back to reality. As crazy as this sounds but for me that is a good old English cup of tea!
When I’m frantically rushing around the house, stressing about how messy it is or crying over some random (probably exaggerated) catastrophe my partner often says ‘go and make a cup of tea!!’ I groan inwardly, probably mutter a few swear words and wonder why he thinks he knows best, but actually the process of ‘mindfully’ making and subsequently drinking that cup of tea does help to bring me back, especially if I add a biscuit or two!! Shoot!! Maybe he does know best!
‘You can’t stop the waves but you can learn how to surf.’
This is a perfect quote with how someone can deal with anxiety. It’s a day to day thing for me, it’s never going to go away, that feeling of being completely over whelmed by fear and emotion that you want to scream or hide from the world, but I can and will learn to control it, to make the episodes fewer, to cope with the feelings more effectively and to radically accept what I cannot change.
One of the most important things for me on my road to recovery is to move away from maladaptive coping mechanisms such as self harm, excessive spending and other destructive methods and to establish my own effective but safe ways to surf these waves.
Mindfullness of Current Emotions…
Being mindful of the emotions that I am experiencing and actually naming them helps me to cope with how I am feeling and gets me one step closer to understanding why I am feeling this way. Am I sad, feeling shame, guilt, anger, fear? Realising, and accepting, how I, feeling is one step closer to dealing with it and ultimately reducing the intensity.
If you can, download some mindfullness apps on your phone and when you feel yourself loosing control try some mindfullness breathing or listen to a piece of music and be aware of each instrument you can hear, the different voices, the change in pace – find something that works for you as a distraction.
‘You don’t drown by falling in the water, you drown by staying there’
It’s easy to hide from the world, to shut people out or to cancel plans when anxiety is so bad that you don’t even want to leave the safety and comfort of your duvet. But, ask yourself, what good is that actually doing? As tough as it may be it is important to get up, put on your fighting face (which were all well rehearsed at using) and face the world, or even just one person, that day and know, that the next day will be easier.
Because… This too shall pass…
Life on the Borderline... 