The school that failed to notice…

33 years on this world and I have walked hand in hand with trauma for almost all them.

A cycle of abuse that could have stopped. That could have been bought to an end if only the school, the teachers, the staff, the people that were there to help me grow and to keep me safe, had noticed.

Noticed that for every day of my childhood I was living in a household of abuse.

An alcoholic father who spoke mostly with his hands. Who shared his frustration through his fists. Who shouted with a slap. His anger shared through threats and name calling. Who could pick a fight for no reason knowing full well you could never fight back.

Who would leave bruisedsvisible on the skin; where surely these were noticeable during those embarrassing PE lessons?

The school who failed to notice the child with so much potential withdrawn, anxious and sad. The child who desperately wanted to stay at school so as to not need to go home.

The school who failed to pick up any of the clear and obvious signs of abuse that should that be occurring now, would trigger all sorts of safeguarding protocols.

A child in a toxic and abusive environment. Surrounded by anger and alcohol.

All my life people have failed to truly see me. Failed to Acknowledge my world. My life. My experiences. And my pain.

As a young child beaten by her father, hit by her mother and ignored by any one and everyone around her who so blatantly knew what was going on but didn’t care enough to intervene?

As a teenage who was abused and attacked.

As an adult who was raped.

As a person who is constantly and consistently taken advantage of. Seen as weak. An easy target. And left feeling like a victim.

Every single person has failed to see me. Failed to care. Failed to help me. Failed to try and understand.

Failed to notice that the girl that once had so much potential is in a broken heap desperately trying to put herself together, time and time again, alone with not so much as a helping hand or a caring smile.

To the school that failed to notice, thank you. Thank you for letting me down. Thank you for missing all of the signs. But most of all and this one I really do mean, thank you for making me find my own strength to protect myself because you sure as hell weren’t going to help me. And by thank you, I mostly mean fuck you.